Introduction

I feel like I should introduce myself to our legions of readers (Hi Mom!)...so here goes. Anyone who knows me at all knows 3 things about me:

• I like to make bulleted lists of things.
• I suck at counting.

Also, I hope my agent made it clear to Keown that I'm not taking any deferred money in this deal. It's $0 all up front, not over 3-4 years like that garbage offer Manny has on the table. And Intern, you're still the Intern. Just 'cause I'm the new guy I will not be darning anyone's socks. I was surfin' this here Internet when you were just a wee lad and porn was all scrambly on the cable channels my parents didn't pay for.

Finally, here is a list of things I may be contributing to this dog and pony show. (Has anyone ever seen a dog and pony show? What do they do? Does the dog sit on the pony? Why a pony?)

• Louisville Bats AAA baseball action
• Traffic
• Airplane food
• How hard it is to be a single mom these days
• People that are different than me
• Our nation's 11th President, James K. Polk
• Wedding planning
• Wedding planning without rolling my eyes or getting that pain behind my eyes when I see how much it's going to cost
• Food

Thank you again for inviting me into your home. I'll try to do better next time.