Summing up your future on your finger

So the kid brother of the Intern, against his will, has begun the arduous process of designing a high school class ring that he will likely never wear. During said process, he found some truly odd designs the fine folks at Jostens offer in their catalog, to which he immediately tipped me off. These are all real. Let's explore, shall we?

Nothing says "class" and "bright future" like the ever popular "Low Rider" ring. During my internship at The Voice-Tribune (as I'm sure Josh can attest), almost every picture we published featured this ring adorning the fingers of Louisville's social elite. If nothing else, at least you will be able to say with absolute certainty that all your friends do, indeed, know the low rider.

Forget football, basketball, soccer and all those other homo sports people play in high school. You're a frisbee golfer, you're a good one, goddammit. And what better way to let the world know that than with this stylish ring? But in reality, most people will probably assume the picture represents UFOs from your real home world, coming to rescue you from the excruciating horror of eating lunch by yourself every day.

Known at Jostens headquarters as the "Josh Keown Poon Magnet."

Alright, time to stop making fun of the people who would actually buy the rings and throw some of the blame on Jostens. If you are going to make a cosmetology class ring, why the hell would you make it look like that? I see a World War II-era mirror, a window, and an androgynous, windswept person of indeterminable ethnic origin. And you're going to charge these poor kids 300 bucks? Christ.

Ye gods. Fun Fact: Purchase of this ring also includes one free appointment at Z Salon and Spa.