My favorite songs about drugs

Everyone knows drugs are bad. Just ask any fifth-grader. He'll tell you drugs make you crazy and ruin your life. Then ask that kid 10 years later, and he'll probably tell you that it's a judgment call, man, and hey, if you're not harming me, do it to it. But it doesn't really matter what you or I think about drugs. Rock musicians seem to like them, and because most of them are infinitely cooler than we could hope to be, they make records exhorting their values and millions of kids suddenly forget about that dopey D.A.R.E. essay they wrote promising never to smoke weed so they could get a plush lion and fire up the ol' Phillies blunts. Kids are dumb. Anyway, I like music and I write for a blog people sometimes read, so here are a few of my favorite songs about drugs.

+ "One Way Ticket," The Darkness: Simply put, this song made me want to try cocaine. They named the entire album after this song, for chrissakes. Yes, frontman Justin Hawkins's "septum is tatters" and he's "still got the runs," but the first line hits him "like a kick in the face" and Hawkins makes the heartfelt plea for listeners to "stick it up your [park]ing nose." It's a Darkness song, so you know you're also getting extended guitar mastery and castrati vocals. Coke coke coke coke.

+ "White Lines," Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five: Another song about the yeyo, this one's more "cautionary" and not as "cool." Still, it's got a rockin' video featuring a young Larry Fishburne and directed by Spike Lee and inspired a great bit during Shaun of the Dead. Plus, Duran Duran covered it a decade later. While the song warned about the dangers of the supposedly frighteningly addictive drug, it also pointed out the shortcomings in our legal system when handling drug cases and, I quote, "Rang dang diggity dang di dang." Those six kids were the closest thing we had to superheroes in those days.

+ "Burn One Down," Ben Harper: Lame, I know. But I go to a public university in Ohio. Cut me some slack.

+ "Hydroponic," 311: A lot of people will tell you the better 311 weed song is "Who's Got the Herb?" or, if they're dumb, "My Stoney Baby." But nothing captures the feeling of rolling some doobage while talking up marijuana like they actually own stock in the thing and keeping the essential 311 sound than "Hydroponic." So those people can cram it with walnuts, ugly.

+ "Givin' Up," The Darkness: This list begins and ends with The Darkness because, quite simply, any discussion of drugs and music should begin and end with The Darkness. The whole damn band fell to pieces because J-Hawk went to rehab for his cocaine addiction. That probably says more than any cautionary tune could, but that's way beside the point, Mom. Anyway, "Givin' Up" discusses just how great heroin is. Key lines include "I'd inject into my eyes if there was nowhere else to stick my skag" and "Well I've ruined nearly all of my veins, sticking that [park]ing shit into my arms." While also touching on the uber-cool method of chasing the dragon, "Givin' Up" also manages to work the f-bomb into the chorus, which is only repeated about 20 times. Good work, boys.