Lucy in the Sky with Awesome

Bonnaroo 2007. The film isn't slowed down or anything, as you can tell by the other people laughing at the poor boy and the smooth voice of Jack Gillis (Jack White to you) in the background. It’s safe to say this fellow at some blotter paper or mushrooms on his tongue a few hours earlier. Really, though, I’d much rather hang out with him than some of our actual company. Actually, it was just one girl, this chick Lauren whose idea of Bonnaroo fun was splashing our unshowerable legs with urine while she tried to steady a water bottle under her cooch with her lesion-covered arms. Yeah, Daytripper over here is New Year’s at Times Square compared to that hygiene-ruining twat.

A quarter-ounce of thanks to Aluminum Level Club *91 member Philip R. for the tip.