The "I? Oh!" in Ohio

This story's a few weeks old, but I'm willing to bet none of you picked up on it, otherwise you would have emailed me to read our blog's hilarious take and become an [insert precious metal here] Level Club 91* member, right? Anyway, the setup: Four Ohio University football players are walking down Court Street (think the Vegas Strip, minus the hookers, lights and fun and plus some bricks. Equal amount of drunks.) when they run into a gentleman who asks them to hand out some brochures. Take it away, Columbus Dispatch:

Then, the man muttered something about being a millionaire, pulled a wad of hundred-dollar bills from his pocket and shoved piles of money into their outstretched hands.
"Thanks," he said and walked off.
Stunned and confused, the current and former Ohio University football players counted their Benjamins.
Ernie Hodge held $600, and his friend Marc Cunningham held $300. Jacob Williamson had $400, and Joshua Abrams was the big winner with $900 crumpled in his palm.
It was $2,200 in all. Wednesday was turning out to be a pretty good day.

The guys turned the money over to Athens PD, who, amazingly, can't figure out what the hell happened. Of course this would happen over the summer. Whenever I walk down Court Street, I get handed fliers for concerts, campaign stickers and my own personal copy of Srimad Bhagavatam, but never money. Good for these guys, though. Maybe when their rent begins to pile up, they can try to pay their landlord with a newspaper clipping of their do-gooding from the Columbus Dispatch. Seriously. I thought the whole point of going outside was for people to hand you cash. Dire Straits even wrote a 10-minute song with a homophobic slur about the phenomenon. Sigh. Classic rock is dead.